Beschwerdegenerierung / Complaint Letter Generation
Official Registered-Post Correspondence Service for Swiss Residents
Welcome to the digital service portal of the Eidgenössisches Amt für Stille Diskriminierung (E.A.S.D.). This service enables Swiss residents to formally communicate concerns regarding foreign nationals (Ausländer) via registered post (Einschreiben), in full accordance with the Swiss tradition of written correspondence over direct human interaction.
Our state-of-the-art letter generation engine will compose a legally appropriate, sufficiently formal, and emotionally distant communication on your behalf. You will never need to knock on anyone's door. You are welcome.
Please complete the following questionnaire in full. Incomplete submissions will be returned by registered post within 1–3 Werktage.
— A Swiss person, approximately
Schritt 1: Ihre Identität / Your Identity
Please provide your details. Your name is optional — anonymity is, after all, very Swiss.
Please select your canton. This is Switzerland. Documentation is mandatory.
Schritt 2: Der Ausländer / The Foreign National
Please characterise the individual in question. Precision is essential for the Amt's records.
Please select the Ausländer's origin. The Amt requires specificity.
Schritt 3: Die Beschwerde / The Grievance(s)
Please select all applicable infractions. At least one grievance is required by law.
Please select at least one grievance. The Amt cannot proceed with an empty complaint.
Schritt 4: Kontaktversuche / Prior Contact Attempts
Have you previously attempted to address this matter directly? Be honest. The Amt is not here to judge.
Please select your prior contact history. This is required for the Amt's records.
Schritt 5: Gewünschtes Ergebnis / Desired Outcome
Please indicate your preferred resolution. The Amt will communicate your wishes with appropriate formality and zero warmth.
Please select a desired outcome. The Amt requires a clear objective.
Schritt 6: Zusammenfassung / Review & Generate
Please review your submission before the Amt prepares your formal correspondence.
AHMET BILGE is a mess. He grew up in the US, matured in Turkey & now he's slowly decomposing in Switzerland. Creator & producer of The American Standup Show — monthly English standup comedy across Switzerland.
This entire Amt was conjured by Ahmet's unhinged imagination. Blame him, not the Swiss government.